It is the eleventh of June 2018. I have been home for two and a half months, give or take a few days. In these months, I have thought about doing so much, and ended up doing so little. I thought I would write at least 15 blog posts, knit something cool, and sew something. In the mean time, I intended to also find the cure for cancer, save countless puppies, and end world hunger. Sarcasm and my high ambitions apart, what have I actually been doing all this while?
If you asked my classmates or my parents, they’d tell you I was always chatting with someone or the other. That is, when I wasn’t watching movies or sleeping. And they are absolutely correct. In fact, I spend nearly all day and night by my phone so that if someone from Rishi Valley (RV) wanted to talk, about RV, college or just about anything else, I was there. And if I wasn’t talking to them, or whiling my time away, I was thinking about RV. About how hot it was at this time of year, or how my juniors at school will suffer the wrath of some teacher because they didn’t turn something in on time, or what the new 11th grade play is like, or whether it would rain cats and dogs this year, like it did last. And I hope my terrible writing hasn’t driven you away yet, because I have a point here, I think. If you are slightly curious, you are probably wondering what is it about this school that has gotten me addicted to it like a child on their first ever ball of GEMS. The thing is, I always have an answer ready for that question. I dole it out like I was giving out flyers at a mall. But every single time I say it, it sounds fake, and forced. Not because any of what I tell people is false, but because there’s so much more to the place then I let on. There’s more good than I can explain in a few meager words, but there’s also so much bad that is both impactful and important. And what I’m trying to say here is, let me explain. Let me show you the place I spent most of my teenage life in, let me show you the place that has seen more of me than my own home in Doha has, let me show you the place and the people, that have been my home away from home.
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This is hopefully the first post of many more to come. At this time of the year, I would usually be prepping to return to school. This process would involve frantically buying illegal grub, toiletries, clothes, and hastily trying to finish my truckloads of holiday homework. Today, I do no such thing. There is no hurry in any of my movements. I wake up when I please, and spend the rest of the day languishing around the house, much to my mother's chagrin. I sleep, I eat and I read novels on my phone. I have been following this exact pattern, since I returned from school two months ago. Strangely, this laziness of mine did nothing more than mildly irritate me these past months. Today, when I see that my juniors have gone silent on Whatsapp and Facebook upon returning to school, and realize my classmates are filling out college applications, it strikes me that I will not be returning to RV, to my school. Suddenly, it dawns on me that the constant rhythm of my school-life, where I depended on heavy structure and bells every forty minutes is over. My days of a million rules micromanaging my life are done. This means that to move ahead and grow from school, what I need is not languorous and lazy days, but my own sort of rhythm, one that isn't imposed on me by an authority I have ambivalent feelings about. Therefore, I have decided to seek inspiration from my 'NEW TERM RESOLUTIONS!!!' that I used to write at the beginning of every June, in a brand new diary that would remain mostly empty for the rest of its life. Those lists were detailed plans of what I wanted to do and finish during that academic year. I used to sit myself down, and have a good think to come up with lists that invariably included: CRY LESS PICK LESS FIGHTS WITH ROOM-MATES AND CLASSMATES WRITE SOMETHING IN THIS BOOK/WRITE POEMS/STORIES OR ANYTHING WORTH READING READ MORE STUDY FOR EVERY TEST ACTUALLY GO FOR GAMES DHANYA!!!!!!!! STOP ASSUMING THAT LIFE IS OUT TO GET YOU SLEEP ON TIME Safe to say, I never carried these 'NEW TERM RESOLUTIONS!!!' out. These major self-improvement goals were unattainable because they were tucked away in this diary that nobody except me knew about, and if I did not manage to do them, it didn't matter to anyone. Not even me, because I had been writing the same things for long, again and again, they ceased to hold any meaning, and it made no sense for me to believe that I could attain them.
This year, instead of trying to squeeze everything into one humungous list, and failing at keeping it up, I want to hold one goal for a month, and keeping it steady. So that failure can be found only in small doses and not a regret filled life, staring at the old lists. This month, I promise to be more active. I will exercise every day, in some small form or the other. In fact, I have made a calendar in my room to keep myself updated with my cheating. So, here goes nothing. Wish me best of luck! |
Dhanya IndragantiA recent high school graduate, waiting for college. |